[Movie] PikaNchi Life is Hard Dakedo Happy

3 Farted

Starring: Aiba Masaki, Matsumoto Jun, Ninomiya Kazunari, Ohno Satoshi, Sakurai Sho...

Below is the full summary of the movie because it is the freakin' best Arashi movie ever. Spoilers are, of course, included.
This movie tells the story of five final year highschoolers who live in the town of Yashio. In this suburban community of Yashio, these five teenagers who were going to have to choose their paths in life after school made a 'daring' excursion to Harajuku, Tokyo - a famous district where youngsters loiter around. With their main objective being to flirt and pick up girls, the five boys - Shun, Bon, Takuma, Haru and Chu wandered around the streets of Harajuku.

In the few hours that they five spent in Harajuku, they had encounters with various happenings which will be rather significant later in the movie. Apparently, for the people of Yashio, the journey that one embarks on to Tokyo is a perilous one and the danger is multiplied when it comes to places such as Shibuya and Harajuku. The fivesome marched on to Harajuku regardless of the 'danger' for the third time.
Chu, a yankee who dropped out of highschool after behaving violently towards a teacher who molested a girl he had crush on, went to Harajuku to deliver a karate-like performance. Chu decided that he is a human weapon and broke a lot of tiles on the streets of Harajuku.
Haru, a nerdy and strange boy who saved up his money for his Harajuku trip by doing a part-time job of delivering newspapers for months met a woman with large breasts. The woman later tried to sell Haru a piece of lousy painting and managed to swindle Haru's money away.
Takuma, a leader-figure of the group who was the first to bring a skateboard into Yashio after a prior Harajuku expedition, decided to flaunt his skills in a larger arena - that being Harajuku. While he was doing that, a group of skateboarders whose skills are way beyond Takuma's opened his eyes. He later learned that it is in California that the pro skateboarders are at and that he is no match for skaters out there.
Bon, a boy who lives on the 'rich' block in Yashio whose father runs a bar full of Vietnamese workers has had a fascination for crepes since their previous visit to Harajuku. This time around, Bon decided to set up a stall to sell crepes made by himself. Near the end of their visit, Bon got beaten up by local gangsters and the money he earned from selling crepes were taken away from him.
Shun, the narrator of the movie, who considers himself average as compared to the others in the group, stayed true to their original objective - to pick up girls. After approaching many girls and failed to pick up one, he finally met the girl of his dreams, Miku. Shun and Miku would later continue to go on dates after Shun returns to Yashio.
When they returned to Yashio, Haru met the girl of his dreams but was seduced by her mother instead, Chu faced many decisions as the leader of Samezu clan, Bon's father started to groom him into taking over his business by making him teach Vietnamese children names of food, Takuma's unhappy mother who was no longer willing to live in poverty finally left his father who descended into a state of depression, Shun continued to date the girl who casually suggested that Shun try to enter the prestigious Aoyama University.

With that, Shun's quest to improve his grades to enter said university began. Worrying that Shun would become one of the drunk adults who party on boats - people whom the five pledge to never turn into - the rest confronted Shun. They were also unhappy that Shun went to first base with his girlfriend (xD teenage boys...) without their knowledge and will be leaving if he is accepted to Aogaku. With this, Shun parted ways with the rest and went on with his betrayal by studying hard to enter the university to please his girlfriend. Also, Shun decided that he wanted out of the small town, sheltered life in Yashio while the rest deserted him for moving on.
One fine day, Shun called for a meeting and vowed that he would sink the boat to prove that he won't be one of the drunkard salarymen like those on board the boat. When the night of the plan arrives, Shun delivered his promise and one by one, the others joined in Shun's efforts to sink the boat. In the process of doing so, Shun saw his girlfriend working as one of the hostesses on the boat. Disappointed, Shun decided that it didn't matter whether he entered Aogaku or not.

When the five were done with Operation Fuurinkazan (as Shun named it), the ecstatic group returned to Takuma's apartment to find Takuma's father, hanged to death. The other four decided to accompany Takuma throughout the night.
The next day, Shun woke up to realize that he was running late to the entrance exam of Aogaku. The rest encouraged him to make a run for it and that he was their hope to break out of the shelter that they have been held in all their lives. Chu rushed Shun to Aogaku and reminded him that he now bears the responsibility of making the law that obliges women to go topless into the community pool - a legacy bestowed upon him by Bon who initially brought up the idea when he thought he was going to study abroad.
Towards the end, Takuma decided that he would head for California to become a pro at skateboarding. The other four bade him goodbye and so ends the story of five idiotic, horny teenagers from Yashio.


I am in doubts about where to begin with this movie. When I first watched it, I had a lot of questions in my mind. It is not a particularly good script, bad acting, especially Aiba, strange storyline too, above all strange reasoning to the plot. It took me some time to understand that with Arashi, you don't need reason. Just go with the flow. And blame it on Inocchi. Inocchi came up with the story. Inocchi of V6. If Sakamoto is the father of V6 and Nagano is the mother. Kamisen would be the younger triplets and Inocchi would be the retarded elder brother.

And Arashi decided that, hey lets star in the movie that Inocchi came up with. Thus, this piece of crack was the result of Inocchi's attempt at thinking.

But to say it was crack will not be entirely accurate. If you want to be all brainy about it, we can look at it from another perspective. These five teenagers are from a town that is all to itself, detached from Honshu. And being from a small town myself, I can understand that it takes a lot of guts to just head off and take a chance outside. While I am studying in a local university, I hope that someday, I can find employment opportunities elsewhere and see things other than this place that I grew up in. Shun's struggle with his studies, though at the beginning was for all the wrong reasons, towards the end, when the other four said that he is their hope to break out of the shell that they live it. I can comprehend the fact that perhaps there is an underlying seriousness to the plot after all.

Of course, this movie, above all, is about friendship. Highschool could be a lot of fun. It is the time when you are almost independent yet you still have a bit of immaturity - enough to play stupid pranks and do silly things just for the heck of it. I had that period of time. Now, I barely see my friends regardless of whether they are here or not. It is life. The five of them, they went on a lot of adventures together, their trips to Harajuku, sinking ships, watching porn together. They stuck by each other through hard times. It is very sweet. And then Takuma left. People leave to find their place on earth. Life goes on. You go on and search for your place on earth. And if you have watched the second movie, you realize that some of them found their place... xD But that can wait...

The comedy in the movie is amazingly outrageous, crazy and above all, hilarious. From the meaningless things they did at Harajuku to their absurd resolutions of having girls swim topless in the pool to their bare asses which they flashed at the people on the boat. Well, Japanese cinema had always had a bizarre edge to them, this is not the weirdest I have seen.

Now... I am taking time off as the regular movie-watcher and transform into the Arashi fangirl. Pardon me. I know they are trying to make them look like your average, not so hot highschool boys. But what the fuck did they do with Aiba Masaki? Aiba has delicate features. Features that if you don't handle them well, can be a total trainwreck. But Aiba Masaki (to me) at his best, outshines even MatsuJun. But that is just me. But his acting is totally fake and it is so bad, it is non-laughable. Now when someone asks why Aiba is not in a drama/movie, shove this into their mouth. I haven't seen one of his plays so I cannot comment on how far he's grown. But in "Kiiroi Namida"... he has clearly made progress.

Ohno's Haru... is the one that is extremely odd. I don't get him. I don't get his character. Perhaps he's just a bit slow or something. But he is very adorable. Haru is just like Ohno, except dumb and even more spaced out. He, like Chu, is not the one in the spotlight in this movie but in the second installment, Haru will play a bigger role while Shun moves to the backseat.

Jun's character is a total gem. From his hilarious exclamations of "Jesus" to him calling really ugly broads "kawaii" to him being 'excited' even as the porn video showed a buffed man. His wide grin was something that was absent for a long time until recent years. And he was smiling for the most part of this movie. His combover (that is not attempted to cover any bald spots) suited him so well, no words can explain it. xD His costume of endless polo shirts and vests was perfect for his suburban rich-boy character.

Sho's Chu was probably the one with the biggest transformation. A fulltime yankee with that typical yankee hairstyle and he also sported a scar near his right eye. The way he speaks. It is not the best acting, but it sure is entertaining. But I feel that his character lacks a storyline. He's a yankee who dropped out of school. That is about all.

Takuma as portrayed by Nino is probably the character that bears the most similarities to the actor. Takuma is the leader and I always thought that Nino is the shadow leader of Arashi in the sense that when Nino speaks, it matters. Numerous times I have seen Nino asking another member to eat yucky food or perform a task and the members would just proceed with barely any protests. Takuma is Nino, only a bit more angry, a bit less gay and very poor.

Overall, it is good entertainment. I won't rave about how good the movie is, but it is a very entertaining one. Odd, funny, but it comes with its own heartfelt moments and something to convey. If I have to guess... it would be youthful insanity and friendship.

That's my second review of the movie. The first one didn't do it justice. So I spent the entire night rewatching and typing this. Ah... the feeling of accomplishment.

Reitings: 4/5 (Because I am biased...)

[M-Sta] Yano Kenta Starring Satoshi Ohno - Kumori Nochi, Kaisei

0 Farted
27 February 2009

Ohno handled the stage on his own so well, I am a proud momma. xD He must be just trying to be humble when he spoke of his insecurities to Tamori about his members not being by his side.
And he looks so... cleaned up, polished and young. I love that hair on him. Ohno should always keep the short hair. And black hair is not very suitable... maybe black hair is not suitable for me as well. I always had black hair. I used to have some blue/purple underneath a top layer of black. (I like to talk about the days when I was young and wild. xD) Maybe I should go brown or red or something.
It seems that everytime Ohno stars in a drama he complains. xD About the costumes, about not being able to go fishing. Basically, he's a lazy ass. Not that I am in a position to say that about him. xD
The song. Ah, the song is a very happy one. And quite nice too. I am not sure if I can get over myself and sing along though. The "DAN, DAN, DAMN DANG" part is... xD but not as much as the "LAN, LAN, LANG" part. xD Seriously? xD
But he's so smiley and the song is so happy, you just cannot help but be carried along by the whole performance. Unknowingly, I was clapping my heads in front of the screen. xD Sigh.
The midget is a big, fat liar. He was so confident he winked. I swear, that midget winked and flirted with the camera. Uncomfortable my ass. xD And he looks so puny, and shorter than Misono. xD
The song... it is happy. xD I woke up to this, so I guess I'll be wearing a smile today. Unless something makes me unhappy again.
Gah, when Monday starts, a new semester begins and I will have to go back to a life with classes and ass-kissing the people who grade me. T_T Oh life is tough. I have to wake up at 6.30 to get ready for an 8.30 class and there will be a lot of annoying people. I think I'll have to get about... 3 doses of this performance before I go. Better yet, I'll bring this video along. I need my video converter. This is better than anti-depressants.

[TV] GASP, Say It Ain't So

4 Farted
Next's Friday's Music Station Line-up:

AKB48 - 10-nen Sakura (... gasp... teenage girls... lots of them...)
Arashi - Believe (Ah... finally)
BoA - Eien (Oh... okay)
GLAY - Haru made wa (Hey... old-time rockers)
ROCK'A'TRENCH - My Sunshine (Who?)
Shibasaki Kou - Taisetsu ni Suruyo (Purty, and she gets to shag Tsumabuki Satoshi, go girl...)
Tohoshinki - Survivor (GASP... WHAT?!)

*Note to self: Okay, be still. Be calm. It is none of your business, really.*

Do my eyes deceive me?

Arashi AND Tohoshinki one the same show?


Okay, I get Arashi. I was expecting and looking forward to it.

But Tohoshinki? Music Station? The ultimate pro-Johnny's is having Tohoshinki on their show?

Either BoA did something, avex bribed someone, or Tohoshinki is THAT big.

xD I hate to say it, but Arashi will look very sadly smaller than the Korean men and if there is a fight, I fear. Arashi's ego would be bruised.

But if you take into account the gazillion singles Tohoshinki release per year... you know their sales won't go far. Their fans would be broke by then.

I always try to remain impartial and of course, I fail miserably everytime.

So... I always thought that M-sta is Johnny's turf, and as long as they have the monopoly of such... turfs... (like Utaban, though we now know SMAP loves Tohoshinki more than their own juniors...) they can rest on their laurels and remain as crappy at singing and dancing and be alright with their sales because they are freakin' Johnny's boysies.

But considering the fact that Tohoshinki is really gaining popularity in Japan, and everything... you want to ask them... is the rest of the world not enough for them? They're gods in South Korea, in Taiwan, China, Malaysia, Thailand, practically everywhere in Asia. They're doing concerts in more places than a Johnny's group can ever imagine. Now they want a piece of the pie known as Japan.

Not that that is a bad thing. We as humans often want more pie than we can eat. Bring on the sugar and the carbs.

But seriously, I can tell that the Johnny's are inferior to Tohoshinki in more ways than one. I am sure everyone with eyes and a sound mind can see that. I mean in singing and dancing, considering the fact that Tohoshinki is not active in acting, the rest can rest-assure that that turf is still theirs. Looks... well, looks is a very subjective thing. When people can swoon and call Kame, Koki and Massu and the likes hot, we ought to know that it is very subjective.

However, I dare say that an impartial bystander who is unfamiliar with all these boyband crap will look at the group with an average height of about... more than 180cm? And then they will look at the other group and go... "Is there really a competition here?"

What Johnny's Jimusho talents have, is their influence, and if this Tohoshinki appearance is not a one-time-thing, in this Johnny's Jimusho stronghold where traditionally, they have shunned other boybands that are not under Johnny's Jimuho, then I truly fear for them.

Cos with what limited promotional activities they performed on other, less popular musical shows, they managed to top the Oricon charts, now that they are appearing right, left and centre, clearly Japan needed something that is not sparkly and skinny and short.

And I just don't like losing, neither do I like things that I like losing. And Arashi's "Believe" will be released one week prior to Tohoshinki's "Survivor". I think. Well, you know? I am not sure. But the release of "Survivor" might dethrone "Believe"'s reign on the Oricon charts. This is something that we should all give a shit about because boybands' sales are the most important shit on earth. It can cure... cure... stuff.

Anyways, like I said before, despite all that, I find myself rooting for Arashi like it actually has direct repercussions in my life if they win or something. Gosh, this fangirling thing is feeling like a fifth limb.

P.S. Okay, if it sounds like I am dissing Arashi, I most certainly have no such intentions. I just try to not be blind to the weaknesses of the things I like, like how I try not to be blind to my own weaknesses. It is a good thing.

P.P.S. Also, I actually like Tohoshinki. I most certainly am glad that they managed to make it this far. I remember the days when they were starting out with their crappy PVs and barely any TV appearance. But, in a face-off, you have to pick a side. Even if the face-off might only exist in my head.

[TV] VS Arashi

1 Farted
21 February 2009

Guests: Golfer chicks. I could go and see their names in that part where they were introduced but I don't quite give a rat's ass about them. Okay, I actually remember that they are Momoko and Shinobu...
So, like, that woman with longer hair is annoying. If you lose, you lose. Big fucking deal, it is not like the end of the world, you know? Get over it. But no, they had to challenge Arashi to a game of golf. Which, I don't mind, by the way. I just have a headache. Headaches make the most adorable puppy look annoying.

Aiba is experienced in golf. Or something. I remember paparazzi piccies of him getting all sweaty while playing golf and took of his shirt in public. Oh, crap, so freakin' sexy, my imaginary self was ready to pounce on him. But of course, if I was there, I would just stare and take a billion pictures and sell them to various magazines because money is good for health.
When Aiba was going at it during the practice, his ass. OMFG THAT ASS. xD That ass. xD I don't know what the man is doing NOT playing golf. If I were Johnny Kitagawa, I'd make him swing that club in front of me ALL THE TIME. xD Right in front of me. xD Then the man got cocky. He had a reason to be, 290 yards is like... uh, I cannot even walk that far without stopping for a while and rest my ass on something.
Jun went next cos apart from Aiba, who is experienced, everyone would expect Jun to do well. The man who rubbed it in everyone's face that he never needed to do auditions. What a cocky ass. xD He swung and he missed the ball. Basically, he was swinging his club into air. I clapped like it was freakin' Christmas and I got a thousand bucks stuffed in my stocking. The look of disbelief on his face. And embarrassment. Hah! With every fanatical Jun fan that I come across, there will be an increase of joy induced in myself when he fails. Cos I am mean like that. 22 yards. xD I know grandmas who can do better.
Sho's attempt got him 103 yards. And he was disappointed with that. xD Jun should be ashamed. But you can tell their roles were reversed when it was the game with the falling pipe. xD xD Yeah, reversed. xD Wait... HOW CAN SHO BE DISAPPOINTED? I mean, isn't he, like, used to failing miserably when it comes to sports. xD
Ohno's attempt was hilarious from the start as he did that thing with his chin. xDDDD That thing. That chin thing. xDDD That gave him 65 yards. xD

Nino got 253 yards. He looked good doing it. xD I tell you, it is that hair. I like that hair.
I am skipping all other insignificant parts to the part where Jun failed miserably horribly terribly and very very embarrassingly.

I shall go out tomorrow and get myself that black cardigan because it goes with my tartan skirt and white shirt. And, I will throw in a tie and a beanie hat. Because Japanese schoolgirl with some overdoing it is cute and I have until 25 to pretend to be cute (That's four more years). Cos Asians still look like teenagers to Caucasians and other westerners in our early twenties because we are Asians. Not that it should matter to anyone, my cardigan.

Oh where was I? Oh, Jun's well deserved embarrassing performance. He swung his club and hit the ball the ball flew... towards the... camera. The box broke. The studio was chaotic as a swing of Jun's club wrecked havoc, the box containing the camera broke. Nino, the stingy cheap midget called out "How much? How much?" Arashi rushed towards the camera and knelt in front of it. Oh but Jun said he "Did not bring a lot of money today..." xDDDDD Fortunately, the camera itself was still working.
I pointed at my screen and I laughed. If I had a giant MatsuJun poster or print of some sort, I would laugh in his face. Because it was embarrassingly funny. And I like it when people fail like that. His second attempt was a bouncing one. xD It bounced before it hit the screen. xDDD One failure after another.

Needless to say, Arashi lost. Now let me go back to watching Tohoshinki's PV because that song is... like... an oasis in the desert. Or something. See, this is what happens when I try to be poetic. Me trying to be poetic is like MatsuJun trying to be Tiger Woods, only, I am better at being poetic.

Yeah and kids, it is about time I state that I corrupt kids like crazy. And that whole thing with the ass... uh, not good for your brain. Go watch Jonas Brothers or something.