[TV] Arashi no Shukudai-kun

2 February 2009

Guest: Nagase Tomoya

I heart them Johnny's. This is exactly the reason why. Right here, in this episode. The shiny costumes cause serious brain damage. Give these boys with brain damage some variety shows, and voila, we have good entertainment. It is all a well thought-out plan by Johnny Kitagawa the Great. I, with my all-seeing eye, am able to see through all that.

I disagree with TOKIO's claim to be rockers, but apart from that, everything is fine. So Nagase stated that he was pissed of at Nino and Aiba. When asked what was up with that, he said that it was because they called Matsuoka "Matsu-nii" which Matsuoka himself was fine with but Nagase said that the two were calling Matsu-nii because they were trying to make him happy, thus manipulating him by sucking up to him like that. xD It turns out that Ohno was calling Matsuoka that as well. xD Nagase was just trying to play that "I'm-ya-senior, you-gotta-be-patient-even-if-I-am-senile-and-am-pooping-on-you" card, which, btw works in such a seniority-based culture. xD I think he's just jealous cos Matsuoka is a step closer to joining the orgy that is Arashi. He wants in, despite the fact that he's banging that Aibu Saki. xD Nagase can bang anyone he wants to. I mean... gosh is he not sexy? Anyways, for the rest of the show, just to piss him off, Aiba and Nino kept calling him "Nii-san". xD

The entire show, he was attacking various Arashi members with "Aren't you stupid?!" remarks. And who was the man who tried to eat that giant hamburger directly with his mouth and needed a second person to hold the burger for him? xD And seriously, I am not sure anyone is Johnny's Jimusho can call another stupid cos that would pretty much be the pot calling the kettle black.

The theme was "Beef" and it was not just any beef. Big chunks of beef with lots of fat. Ah beef. I love beef. I haven't had beef for a while. All I had was... chicken and fish for a while. Minimal meat. Lots of vege. That's my diet-thing currently. Nagase has been put on a doctor-stop when it comes to beef. From overeating, or so he said. And so they ate. Lots of beef. Big chunks of it. The first dish was steak. It wasn't just any steak, it was a 1.5 kilograms Super Steak. xD According to Nagase, eating fatty beef will make your chest hair grow. xD Noted. I am, after all, a hair fetishist. xD I'll feed the men lots of fatty beef. xD

The second dish was a 2.6 kilograms hamburger. It was huge. xD And Nagase insisted on attempting the impossible. To eat it like one would eat any burger. xD And attempted that, he did, with Jun's help. But he could only manage to eat the beef patty. After he tried eating it with the bun, he let out a rather feminine shriek that doe not seem to go well with his image. Then the exclamation "Cho American" emerged. Somehow, the Japanese have the impression that all Americans eat are really large hamburgers and all they wear are overalls or leather jacket. When Sho was eating the burger, it looked very American to them. Jun insisted on eating with a leather jacket on, so Sho let Jun wear his jacket. xD Strange people do strange things.

Suddenly, I remembered that Nagase is just 2 years older than Ohno. xDDDDD OMG he looks like their dad. xD Thirdly, Nagase wants to bite into the long row of meat often seen in kebab restaurant-type-things. xD And he sure did. xD Albeit a bit disgusting... that's a man. xDDD I mean, the polite eating ways of a fork and spoon is so pretentions, men should just bite into big chunks of stuff. It sure induces reactions in women. Seriously. Wild and sexy.

Next came the "Mid-winter, Johnny's Stupid Sports Event". Totally direct translation. xD Mostly inaccurate, but it is not like anyone expects accuracy from me, really. xD They played Shounentai songs... xD OMG. Shounentai was active before I appeared on earth. xD Jun, Sho and Ohno formed Team Ohno while Nino and Aiba joined Team Nagase, probably because they pissed him off. xDDDDD The two continued to bug Nagase by calling him "Nii-san" (Big brother.)

xD The first game, they had to do the long jump under a net hung really low. Means, they had to crouch down to that level to do the long jump. xD xD Once again, I have to announce that I love it when they do stupid crap like this. xD They started calling Jun Rambo, probably the hair thing. xD They all did well except for Aiba and Sho. You expected it from Sho, I guess. xD They made him go first as experiment.

Next, the three in a group had to uh... imitate the objects requested of them. Like they have to do burgers, Tokyo Tower, helicopters and Totem pole, synchronized swimming and motorcycles and stuff. Was pretty interesting, the screencaps can tell the story. Sho was shrieking like a girl during their first attempt at hamburger. Their second attempt had Jun riding on Ohno face to face while Sho riding on Jun from behind. Very... uh... straightforward. Because everyone likes a nice gay threesome. When team Nagase was doing the Totem pole thing, Nino was riding on Nagase. RIDING. Dirty thoughts entered my mind. Synchronized swimming had Nagase and his two bitches bare their legs while he forcefully held their hands for the sake of holding them. xD Another name for this game would be "Johnny's teaches you various sex positions and foreplay ideas.