[Talk] Arashi, From My Eyes

I am totally delaying my 6 assignments, 1 tutorial work, and preparation for 4 presentations. I wasn't always such a procrastinator. I was a go-getter. Whatever happened to the drive in me. Oh yeah, Johnny's ate it. Thank you, Johnny Kitagawa, you enriched my life with moronic presence and have your little bitches eat my brain. I am currently heading straight towards failure and its all thanks to you. Life has never seem more promising.

Yeah, whatever. I'll do it, just later. So that makes the sarcasm in the paragraph above totally unneeded.

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This is a one of the Arashi pictures that I like, a lot. I don't remember where its from or whatever. Its 2006 Summer tour or some shit. Doesn't matter.

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This is Matsumoto Jun - or MatsuJun or simply Jun. He is the sex and the femmie of Arashi. You have never seen weird dancing until you have seen him. His face is the epitome of sluttiness and frankly, that is exactly what makes him the most popular dude in the group. If a person doesn't know Arashi that well, that person will still know Jun. If you know no one else, you'd know Jun. God knows why. Maybe its because his face is that 'koi'. But frankly, if he is screencapped badly, its really bad.

The only complaint I have about this guy is that... why does he do THAT during lives? I can't explain the THAT with words. Its just... its THAT thing where he makes weird faces, then his knees bend inwards and then his arms are positioned in an awkward angle. Then he'd proceed to do the air guitar and get really into the music. See, I told you I can't express it in words. Its just THAT. I am too lazy to go screencap the AAA or whatever cos I'd have to pop the DVD in and its a pain in the ass.

You have never heard bad singing until you hear Jun sing. Its like any CD that you have tied at the bottom of your shoes and then you walk around town, jumped into the skating rink and then jumped into the pool with it. Then you go to the beach with it and then you let your pet rodent of some sort chew on it for a bit. Then you pop the CD into a player and voila. Jun.

If Arashi is a human body, Jun would be the face and the um... penis - that is if the body is a male body. Yes. Jun is basically the face of Arashi - unless you are a fan then things change. From the outside, if you mention Arashi to a non-fan, they'd go "Oh, that group with MatsuJun in it.) Jun has not always been like this. Once upon a time he was a buck-toothed innocent, angel-faced kid with a totally round face and often seen wearing a goofy grin. What happened? To sum it up in one word. Puberty.

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Ninomiya Kazunari would look familiar, even to western moviegoers. We call him Nino because his name is fucking long and typing it is a total pain. I used to know him as the monkey guy in Arashi. You may know him as the monkey guy in "Letters From Iwojima" and frankly, I think he delivered a far better performance in "Ao no Honoo" but that's just me. He's the dude with genuine acting skills y'all. I might be saying that just cos that last scene in "Kiiroi Namida" wowed me. His performance in "Marathon" was simply brilliant. And of course I am biased, and I bet you are too.

He has black gums. Black. He is physically underdeveloped and looks like a refugee. Don't they feed him? He is the otaku in Arashi. That obsessed gamer geek type. If he isn't Nino, most fans would probably bully him in school and all that. But he is Nino and he sings amazing songs like "Kako" and "Niji". So yeah, we forgive the geekiness.

He's the gay one. If someone from the 'inside' were to tell me one of the Arashi member is gay, I'd have no doubt its him. Well, I'd think its Jun as well, but then I'd think its Nino more. Its the way he dances, its the recent ponytail he is sporting, and I don't mean that people who do that are gay. Its the whole package that is Nino. And seriously, I think he should just propose to Ohno right now. Save us all the wondering.

If Arashi is a human body, Nino is the brain. Yes, I would initially say Sho is the brain, considering how Sho's the dude with the degree. But Sho is stupid and we will touch on that later. Nino is the brain. Period. Oh, Nino is also the devil in disguise. Yes, and the shadow leader.

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Aiba Masaki. They call him Aiba-chan but I would rather not use that suffix simply because I am not Japanese and its odd for me to speak Japanese like I understand it. So we call him Aiba. Aiba is the sunshine in the group. Yes. The sunshine. Aiba is the sunshine, the only sunshine. He makes you happy... Did I mention he doesn't have a brain? He is basically that idiot that is always strangely happy for reasons like chicken and stuff.

But underestimate not this idiot. He can be quite the sexay man if you watch him tame animals and tackle large felines with manliness and um... stuff. Ah... sexay... Aiba's voice is one that I strangely like. A lot. Its... throaty and nasally and I don't know. Its just... another thing that I cannot express in words. Like how Jun is during lives. Its one of those things that is too great for words.

Aiba is the one that I am sure is straight thanks to the leaked pictures of him trying to sex up his girlfriend or ex. Frankly, I don't give a shit about it. xD Its there, and that's it. Woo big fucking deal, he had sex. Oh yeah, and one often forgets to notice how, under all that stupidity is one hot, sexay piece of man candy. What? He is!

Man Candy, I tell you. If Arashi is a human body, Aiba is the heart. Yes, he pumps warmness and oxygen and carbon dioxide and all that scientific crap that I abandoned years ago. Sure, you can replace your heart with a transplant, but it would never be the same again. Because Aiba is one of a kind. You will never find another Aiba.

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Sakurai Sho or Sho is... the one that looks like a jock. He looks masculine and he raps. He is a newscaster and has a degree. Wow, at least one sane one in the group to hold the group together. Or so you would think. Serve the guy some food and all that crashes and breaks into a million small pieces. The idiot has the most hilarious expression after tasting food.

When Sho was a junior, he was the cutest looking chipmunk kid on earth. He was so skinny and tiny and squishable you want to stuff him into a cage and watch him try to escape. What? Sho is the guy with all the coolness and the charisma during lives. Unlike Jun, he doesn't overdo himself. When Arashi was in its earlier stages, I had a feeling that he had the biggest fanbase.

Jun used to fancy Sho. A lot. Sho is very handsome. In a refined way. Ah, he would look so good riding a horse... or lifting weights... but then his muscles are so stiff he can't do strenuous exercises. I always thought he was straight, but... maybe... bi? Cos I think he harbours an all consuming and unrequited love for Nino.

Sho is the muscles of the body if Arashi is a human body. Sho is the mobilizing power or something. If there is a mosquito buzzing around, Sho's muscle would lift the limbs up and smack that piece of shit to smithereens. I mean... err, Sho solves problems. To compare him to muscles would be kinda ironic, but whatever.

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Ohno Satoshi a.k.a. Riida/Captain/Oh-chan/Sammy is the appointed Leader of the group. He was initially the underdog of the group, but somehow emerged to be the focus of everyone. He is quite the character, this Ohno. He is great with arts, he dances well and all that crap that people keep associating with Ohno. I want to talk about something else.

Ohno wanted to own a bakery and build houses with his bare hands. He likes onsens, he wants to go to parks. You know, all that stuff. I think he has a mother-complex too. Oh yeah, he is going to be a 30-year-old who still lives with his parents. Very soon. Not that its any bad. Because I think Ohno would wear clothes from a week ago, unwashed, if he lives alone. He'd eat pancakes from two years ago and drink milk that expired 5 months ago. He eats a lot of things. He isn't picky with food. Neither am I. We can go on an expired food eating adventure. I'd join him with his umais. But just for the record, I don't eat expired stuff...

Ohno is the love interest of many Johnny's boys, Arashi or not. Nino is like the queen. Jun would be the concubine. Chinen is the mistress. You know? Um, they are having this relationship thing going in peace. Except the queen is jealous of the mistress at times. But the queen and the concubine are cool. They had an agreement, you see. Jun will beautify Ohno by giving him manicures. Its a win-win situation as Nino gets to enjoy a more beautified Ohno. Its all good.

Ohno is the skeletal system of Arashi. He is the glue that holds them together. (Although most say its Sho...) Even Jun succumbed to their useless leader. He is not as useless as they made him out to be. The rest of the members understand to a certain degree that Ohno is doing his leader job, just that he doesn't rub it in their faces that he is actually doing something. He is one of those silent leading character type of people.

But that's just me, and I specialize in whining and crying because I hate my classes. So there you go.

12 Farted :: [Talk] Arashi, From My Eyes

  1. You seriously crack me up!!

    I await your posts everyday after school cause they are so funny!!

    It brightens up my day... :)

    I used to be an over-achiever too but lately, OMG Arashi is eating my brain and I have been procastinating like no tom. I wonder what my old self would say to me now... ^^;

  2. you are so funny. i really enjoy your entries. :)

  3. Thanks for reading. Motivates me to go on fangirling. ^^

  4. XDDD Random passerby here. This post is a winner rotfl

  5. Thanks for passing by. Glad you enjoyed it.

  6. This was just too funny to read. LOL! Thanks for sharing!!

  7. You know what you said exactly what I was thinking of each member and that's almost scary ! Seriously, thanks for having pointed out the fact that Jun is always overdoing it on stage and that his singing is awful, that Nino's gums are black, which always disturbed me, that Aiba is the heart and the sunshine of the band even though I heard he was the least popular among the fangirls (how can it be ?), that Sho is handsome in a refined way and maybe not totally straight, and that Ohno would definitely drink milk that would have expired 5 months before ^^

  8. Thanks for your comments on Arashi,

    For me, O Chan is the soul in Arashi.

  9. hey! i'm new to reading your blog and i must say i'm already a fan!

    i applaud your sweet sarcasms over each member and that as if you love to hate yourself for being an arashi fan but then boasts on knowing things about them that fans are just realizing now (like how nino's gums are black.. really!? o.O).. your blog maybe frank and firm but with added humor and honesty .. i think this is truly one of those that best describes arashi in words

    you can say i'm into arashi too
    (bubblegum songs i don't even understand, shows that are so stupid i'm having fun watching, dramas wherein their acting truly deserves an award.. yes all that crap i love the most..)

    you should go write some more .. fans need to get their thinking straight. idols DO have a not-so-good side to them and they at least suck at one thing and people need to start accepting that(scandals, squeacky voice and what have you..)

    *if you don't mind i'm linking this to my lj account so that fellow arashi lovers can read this.. all credits to you of course .. =)

  10. the only part that i like are ohno's and aiba's...i would definitely agree with those comments..

    as for the rest of them, it would make me doubt that ur a fan.

    i just hate the sarcasm..it's very insulting not funny

  11. "Yes, I would initially say Sho is the brain, considering how Sho's the dude with the degree. But Sho is stupid and we will touch on that later."

    HAHAHA! I totally agree...Sho-chan is silly and adorkable like that <3 I love all your characterisations! They're really spot-on!

    Btw, sarcasm is totally fine with me... I enjoy reading posts like these RITE MOAR!

  12. i've been following this blog since last week but i haven't finish up until now. I've laughed with every entries here.

    I love it when you bashed or being mean to these boysies. and yeah, only a true fan can bash and praise her idols at the same time like you do.

    Tho, i'm a big Jun fan i have problems hearing him sing. glad that it's not only me who complains about his inability to sing. If i were to describe MatsuJun's voice it's something like... a broken CD :/ One time I posted on a thread that Jun has the ugliest voice in Arashi, a fellow jun fan wanted to hunt me and kill me. Lol. I don't know why this fellow fangirl disagreed with my statement. She's totally biased. Jun is just pretty. period. but I love every bit of him. but not the singing.

    I though aiba and sho are straight guys... but sho...??? haven't notice that he has the makings of being bi.

    And oh, Nino is gayer than Jun? that's new to me. I always thought that Jun is the gayest among them.

    Yeah, i don't give a damn if all five of them are gays or not. What matters is I love them just being themselves.

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